ARCHIVES #10 Spit, Thongs, Ding-Dongs, & Probes...URBAN CAMPING LEGENDS REVEALED! Headless cows and moon-monsters! Beware all who camp!!!

 

 

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Spit, Thongs, Ding-Dongs and Probes…

WISCONSIN URBAN CAMPING LEGENDS UNCOVERED!

All True…Would I Lie To You?

Every Spring I feature a Safety Column, which is in your best interests to read, especially if you are prone to accidents and/or drink Old Style. If you ‘fall’ into this category, please read this column carefully.

A recent unscientific poll concluded that beer drinkers are more likely to have camping injuries. According to Dr. Phillip Nostrils: "Drinking beer can lead to temporary periods of blindness, including cases of where the patient sees some words, but                 , and only after treatment can he or she fully understand the aspects of cravings, like for Ding-Dongs. Also, in cases such as yourself, the reader, well, when Old Style seems really important right now, and then you crawl into the trailer late at night expecting love, let me just quote you something: ‘Nothing from nothing means nothing’." (Source: Billy Preston).

Thank you, Dr. Phillip. You—the reader—will be pleased to know I have far better and much more practical ‘Safety ‘Tips’. I can usually categorize them under "Opening Up the Trailer" or "Finishing That Darn Project I Started Last Fall’. That is why Nurse Linda, from a fine local hospital emergency room, says: "We see a high increase in hammer-to-thumb injuries, plus the usual weed-whacker string-around-the-ankle stuff. People aren’t limbered up yet…they’re just not ready." When asked if alcohol is ever a factor, she replied, "It’s usually Old Style, or that left-over bottle of Wild Turkey they found in the cabinet."

However, after surfing the ‘Net (adult hip-hop term—Editor) for more scientific "Tips" this past Winter, I was astonished to find several facts:

1) Your wife will get peeved if you ignore her and instead spend time on the ‘Net.

2) Checking out Hugh Hefner’s personal Web-page is considered ‘porn’, thus resulting in no "booty" (more hip-hop talk—Editor), and…

3) Hammer-to-head injuries dramatically increase if you take Hugh’s personal guided tour through the Mansion, most certainly if you check out the ‘Naked Underground Pool’.

Not that I did…see any head-wounds on me? Hah! That’s because I wisely spent my computer time checking out safety features that you, as a camper, should know about. Yes, I did it for you, and here’s what I found:

Wisconsin is second only to New Mexico in UFO sightings!

This fact surprised me, in that I drove through Roswell, New Mexico last Christmas on my ‘Journey Through Hell’ (see Archives #4--Scoop), and most of the city was asleep. True, it was 4am, but if you guys want to stay #1…wake up! What are you, a bunch of ‘pods’?

Anyway, I want to say that I spent many hours at the computer avoiding Hugh Hefner’s site by checking out www.w-files.com  and www.ufowisconsin.com . Not only are they neat sites, but the W-files has a great ghost page, which is of particular interest to me, in that an apparition once appeared and advised me not to eat broccoli. For that, I (and George Bush Sr.) am forever thankful. WARNING!!! These sites seem disorganized at the moment...take caution.

I also liked an "Urban Legends" site. They won’t give me a reciprocal link on their web-site, so you’ll have to find it yourself, but it is indeed fun, and sometimes very helpful, especially if you are on Toots’ e-mailing list. Toots is a great but sometimes-gullible seasonal camper who usually forwards a scary e-mail "Warning" every month or so. Once it was gangs hiding under your car at a mall and slashing your ankle tendons as you started to get in. The latest was ‘Spunkball’, in which teens toss a firebomb through your open car window while you are stopped in traffic. The advice given was to immediately leap out of your vehicle if you hear someone yell "Spunkball!"

This would probably be a great way to carjack a BMW without using a gun or anything—just yell "Spunkball!"--but, of course, it was an Urban Legend. Toots already knows—everyone she sent the e-mail to got right back to her. We are all one step ahead. But I’m sure I’ll get another warning next month…

Another thing I’d like to bring up is that I have often been accused of not getting to the point, as if my mind wanders. Ha! Let me just check my notes here…OK, in case you didn’t know, Leo Gorcey’s father played the owner of the soda shop in the ‘Bowery Boys’ movies. Mr. Blackwell, the fashion designer and critic, once played a bit part in a ‘Bowery Boys’ movie as a kid, but you won’t recognize him. Five or so years ago, Kevin Bacon bought a used tuxedo originally designed by Blackwell. He bought it at a store in Las Vegas, which is near Area 51, home of the mysterious UFO crash site now heavily guarded by the US military. The owner of the store told Kevin Bacon that he was once abducted by aliens, but don’t tell anyone, because he was probed and is still embarrassed.

I did some research on this, and found that the man who said this to Kevin Bacon spent a year in a Texas jail, down near the Mexican border, so probing by aliens was indeed possible. However, Kevin Bacon himself never spent time in a Texas jail, but he did play that ‘Invisible Man’ guy, which any male teenager not presently busy with ‘Spunkball’ would like to do—turn invisible, I mean—especially regarding the Girls’ Swim-Team locker room. But, alas, turning invisible at will is an ‘Urban Legend’, and I have gotten back to my topic within 7 Steps To Kevin Bacon, with steps to spare, mind you.

OK, let me finish this beer and get to the point: I have known for years that Wisconsin has many strange stories of its own, especially involving campers. That’s my job—to uncover these strange but true ‘Urban Camping Legends’. To prove a point, let me delve into the past and tell you a few tales, taken from my early years as a Roving Reporter, when I worked for The Bugle, an infamous campground newspaper …

"HEADLESS COW HAUNTS SEASONAL WOMEN!"

Sept. ’93 The Bugle. All rights reserved.

Sisters and neighbors Arlene "Toots" Carberry and Shirley "Thong" Gollwitzer were at first too terrified to talk about it. "But now we’ve got to warn the others!" Toots told the Bugle.

"We were driving my golf cart along one of the trails in the woods," said Toots, "and there it was, right in the middle of the road…a cow’s head! It had eyeballs and everything, except some of the fur was peeling off. It shocked me so much that I almost drove over it. Fortunately I swerved at the last moment, but Shirley’s foot accidentally sent it spinning off the trail. When we looked back, the head was gone."

Badly shaken by the experience, the two women returned to their trailers. But, as Shirley put it: "We couldn’t stop thinking about it…we had to go back."

It was that curiosity that began the haunting. "The head was back!" Toots explained nervously. "Smack-dab in the middle of the road, in the very same spot!"

"We didn’t go near it this time," said Shirley. "We were afraid it might jump up and bite us."

It was later that night that Toots and Shirley gathered the courage to tell a few close friends about the event. "Two of the men went back with flashlights," said Toots, "but the head was gone." But one week later, the head re-appeared.

"We were laughing about it on the golf cart," said Shirley. "You know, telling spooky jokes. Cow jokes, actually. And then…there it was…the head! This time the fur and skin were completely gone, and the head was looking right at us!"

"Well, we couldn’t be sure about that part, because the eyeballs were gone also," added Toots, "but I did have the distinct feeling of being watched."

Again, the two men investigated, and again there was no sign of the mysterious ‘head’, and to this date no one else has seen the ‘head’. "Go ahead, laugh at us," said Toots, "but Shirley and I think it’s still out there, waiting for us."

"It wants revenge for me kicking it," said Shirley.

 

Another warning I must mention here is that Toots, as a gag, bought Shirley a ‘fat-lady thong’ recently. Toots says: "Of course you didn’t hear it from me, but I gave it to her as a 75th Birthday present. Later, I asked her how it felt, since I thought it would feel like a ‘wedgie’. She said, ‘Oh, I thought that part went in front’."

 

OK, enough with the erotic thoughts. Here are more Camping Urban Legends…

"NAKED ‘MOON-MONSTER’ ATTACKS TEENAGERS!"

The Bugle 10/95 All Rights Reserved.

Last season we reported how Josie Weber pranced "naked as a Jaybird" in her trailer on Mother’s Day, only to be surprised by her unsuspecting sons, who merely wanted to wish her a Happy Mother’s Day. And now ‘Jaybird Josie’ has struck again!

The weather was cold and wet this particular Saturday. Long-suffering husband Tyler was only trying to do the right thing when he asked if he could turn the heat on in the Ladies’ bathroom so his shivering wife could take a shower. Little did he realize that this kind act would trigger another of Josie’s compulsive acts of nudity.

Tyler decided to shower also. "We used separate stalls to take our showers," Tyler later said. "Honest, we did. I’m no savage. I was already done and in my underwear when this terrible thing happened!"

Two unsuspecting teenagers, responding to the call of nature, walked into the bathroom just then. "The Campground looked deserted," said one of the girls, still in a state of shock. "We didn’t think there was anyone but us here."

It was at this exact moment that ‘Jaybird Josie’ thrust her naked butt out from behind the shower curtain and "mooned" Tyler.

"It was terrifying!" said the other teen. "We walked in, already sort of scared because the place was so empty, and suddenly we hear this high-pitched cry. Then out jumps this naked moon-face with one eye! We turned to get away, and this man in his underwear was sitting there, laughing at us!

"We ran away as fast as we could. There’s something wrong in that bathroom, like that motel in ‘Psycho’. It’s haunted with crazy people."

"AMAZING HAIR GROWTH FROM CLONED RABBIT CELLS!"

Bugle 9/96 All Rights Reserved.

An amazing secret recipe that seems to grow hair on anyone and maybe anything has been reported by Kitty Martorana. "It’s a miracle!" Kitty claims, and she has the pictures to back it up. (see end of page or right now--Scoop). What started as a simple garden tip has perhaps become a scientific breakthrough.

"Back at home, there’s a lot of rabbits in my yard," said Kitty. "So I used an old trick. I had Frank (husband—Scoop) collect hair from the barber-shop floor and I used it around my plants. For some reason, human hair scares away rabbits, and they don’t chew up my flowers. Of course, if Frank (‘thinning’ husband) had more hair, I could just shave his head every time I needed more for my garden. But for a while, though, he had to bribe barbers to let him sweep their floors. But now all that has changed!"

In some apparent quirk of science, the human hair in Kitty’s garden at her trailer has sparked a molecular reaction. "It’s in the air," says Kitty. "The hair and the dirt and the flowers—they’re emitting something that causes a change. And it’s not just Frank…look at my statue!"

Frank Martorana was there in the yard, sprouting a full head of hair. In Kitty’s flower beds were two statues. One, of the Virgin Mary, was sacred, and not affected. The other statue had undergone a transformation…a thick mat of hair covered her porceline head. Even this inanimate object had been altered by Kitty’s scientific miracle. "People are starting to stop by," said an excited Kitty. "They just want to touch the dirt and breath the air. Most of them are bald."

 

Note: OK, there are no cloned rabbits involved in this story. Sorry.

So, as you can plainly see, Wisconsin Urban Legends abound. In fact, they abound so much that they are like giant invisible rabbits just abounding about all over the place. But some of them are true, like the stories I have just told you. They all happened, and would I lie to you? Or even exaggerate, just a bit?

Never! This is a fine example of an Urban Legend…that I stretch the truth. Go ahead, ask Toots and Shirley about the ‘Headless Cow’; ask the frightened teenagers about the ‘Moon-Monster’. Go ahead…I dare you! As for Frank Martorana, well…Frank quit using the magical hair-potion a while back. As Kitty explained: "There was a drawback. It was probably the rabbit residue still in the ground…you know, the ‘pellets’. At first Frank was simply nervous and jumpy, but then one day he started springing out of his chair to get things, and before I knew it, he was hopping all over the place. It seriously affected his martini-making abilities, for which he is famous--the constant spilling and the need for carrots instead of olives--and so Frank quit cold-turkey. His nose still twitches a bit, but other than that, he is fine. He is still a handsome devil, and I love him as he is."

That is good news, Kitty, and it brings me to another ‘Urban Legend’: In the movie "It’s A Wonderful Life", James Stewart visits ‘Martini’s Bar’. Is this where the drink-name ‘martini’ comes from? If so, why? Stewart wasn’t drinking martinis, although he got pretty loaded. Or is it because Mr. Blackwell once refused to sell tuxedos to Leo Gorcey’s father and the Bowery Boys (former ‘Dead End Kids’) because he thought it would ruin his (Blackwell’s) image, having Spit and Sach and the other Kids all dressed up and slugging down Prohibition gin behind the bar at Louie’s Sweet Shop with Mr. Dumbrowski, otherwise known as "Mr. Martini’?

We will never know this one for sure.

I have also heard rumors that I tend to drink several beers while I type these columns.

Surely you exaggerate.

 

 

PS: In a serious note, I would like to mention the passing of Jack Lunaburg, aka 'Jack Midnight’, a foundation of "The Bugle". We miss you, Jack!

Check out more Scoop stuff at www.scoopjackson.net

 Frank Martorana and his garden before the Amazing Hair Growth Experiment

    

It's a miracle!

 

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Scoop Says: I'll update this asap, but for now here's the mostly-original article that was sort of mangled during cutting and pasting for the newspaper column. Stay tuned!

Scoop of the Month

Tim Briggs: Unsafe At Any Speed...in which daring Tim winds up in the Doghouse! PLUS the Trivia Quiz Answers and some casual slander!

 

Crazed Stunt Puts Briggs In The Doghouse

          Psuedo stunt man Tim Briggs ran into hot water recently when he tried to water-ski across a small pond that had formed on the road near his trailer.

          The severe storm that struck Southern Wisconsin last month formed a shallow basin that seemed to tempt Tim. It didn’t help that friends were celebrating his birthday, and alcohol was a factor. Also, for the record, I want to state that I did a ‘Spell Check’ on ‘psuedo’, and my only alternative spelling was ‘Speedo’, which I certainly don’t want to mention in the same article as Tim.

          Anyway, water-skis were conveniently found, and Tim took up the challenge. Towed by a golf cart driven by Mary Atella, Tim got halfway across the puddle before he fell. He landed hard, but thankfully his life jacket kept his head from hitting blacktop, although local scientific minds later stated they really didn’t think ‘that would make much difference’ to Tim’s brain.

          Tim made a successful ski run on the third try. The crowd cheered wildly, acknowledging Tim’s agility and skill as he sailed right across the deadly treacherous pond. And then came the aftermath…

          Tim was sore from his bravado but wouldn’t admit it. He concealed his pain from all but wife Diane. But it was only a short time later that his prior stunt caught up with him.

          “Tim was trying to fix something by the side of the bed,” said Diane. “Maybe an outlet. He had to squirm in on his injured side to get there…you know how it is, there’s not a lot of room between the bed and the wall. So it’s lucky I happened to come back in time, because he was trapped!”

          Tim’s painful side injury would not allow him to raise himself enough to get out of the confined space. Tim later told this reporter that try as he might, adrenaline flowing, he was definitely wedged. “It was 20 minutes of sheer hell,” said Tim.

          “I heard him calling,” said Diane, “and I thought he was just saying Hello. It wasn’t until he sounded more urgent that I investigated.”

          Diane had to physically pick the bed up to allow Tim enough room to roll over and squiggle out of his confinement on his good side. “Any more antics like that and he’ll be in the doghouse for sure!” remarked Diane.

          And it was mere days later that this literarily happened. Upset over being confined to her kennel for a minor infraction, Tim’s wonder dog Lacie was able to lure Tim into her kennel by rolling Tim’s last can of cold beer into it. As soon as Tim crawled in, Lacie slammed the kennel door and had the run of the trailer until Diane came home.

OK, I’m exaggerating. But how did Tim come to wind up in the kennel? I asked Diane about it, and she just shrugged her shoulders. “What else can I say except ‘Tim and beer?’ I think Lacie was barking or wouldn’t go in the kennel or something…he (Tim) has a strange mind indeed.”         

Tim rides on into history...

DESPERATE SEEKING CONTESTANTS

NOTE: If you want to try the Quiz and maybe read the story to get clues, go to Archives: 'Giant Sea Creature...' Good Luck to All! PS: The Chief (my Editor) and I agreed that the opening line to 'The Theme From Shaft' might confuse small children and some adults, although we weren't exactly sure why. So it wasn't in the paper, but it's here now...gee, no one flipped out over the lyrics in the 70s, did they? Then again, who can remember?

          It looked grim for my annual Summer Trivia contest. No one ever enters, except one person, back in 2001, I think. And this time it came right down to the wire. Finally, by begging, I coerced two contestants to enter at the very last moment. They are Carol Okerstrom aka ‘The Vulture’, and Steve Gorniack aka ‘Gornoman’. You website-viewers probably know them well, alas.

          In the last column a suspenseful tale was told of a giant muskrat that viciously attacked two innocent floating women. References were made to Sherlock Holmes and Shaft, which begat the Contest. Here are the questions:

          2) Why did I mention Sherlock Holmes as a reference? 3) Because of what story? 4) What kind of bullet caused Dr. Watson’s injury? 5) Fill in the blanks to the opening line of The Theme from Shaft: “Who’s the ___ ____ ____ who’s a ___ ___ for __ ___ ___?”

          I deliberately omitted the 1st question, which dealt with beer, because The Vulture is going to jump all over this question because it is ambiguous. She was almost right, and I might be generous, so let’s see if she really needs a ½ point to win…

          The Vulture: “Since you are obviously in great despair…and since I have nothing better to do (than enter): 2) ‘Because you are a sneaky guy who is trying to trick us.’ 4) ‘A silver bullet aka Coors’.”

          OK, at this point she definitely needs that ½ point.

          Oops…it looks like Gornoman gets the same ½ point for question #1! Let’s see what develops: 2 & 3) “The line ‘The nightmare got more nightmarish and then even nightmarishier’ is from the first Sherlock Holmes mystery, ‘Sherlock Holmes In College’ (which was)…rejected by the publisher who cited many grammatical problems including…run-on sentence structure and the use of non-existent words.” 4) Yes, another ‘Coors Silver Bullet’ answer…monkey see, monkey do, Gorno!

          So at this point we have a definite ½ point tie. A semi-valuable Scoop Golden Star Certificate and a Dave’s Milton Ace Hardware Gift Certificate hang in the balance. But then, with only one mere question remaining, Gornoman pulls ahead by correctly filling in every blank to the opening line of the Theme From Shaft! Gornoman wins by a full point, Ladies and Gentlemen!

          And the answers are: 1) Hamm’s beer 2) “The Giant Rat Of Sumatra”, a famous Holmes case. 3) What story? None—it was merely a passing remark by Watson about a case “for which the world is not yet prepared.” 4) A Jezail bullet. 5) You’ll have to ask Gornoman or go to the Scoop site; I’m on probation with my Editor, The Chief.

See how exciting this can be? So let’s get more involved this winter when my new ‘Winter Blues I Have Nothing To Do Trivia Contest’ debuts on the Scoop website. Check often, and for a vital past history of The Vulture and Gornoman, see Archives: Trivia. In the meantime I will attempt to fend off The Vulture’s malicious attacks. As for you, enjoy the rest of the season and have a safe and healthy winter, and check out more Scoop at www.scoopjackson.net. And if you can’t stay out of the doghouse, at least write and tell me about it! Thanks everyone!

Email Scoop at scoop@scoopjackson.net. Arf! Arf!

 OK..."Who's the black private dick who's a sex machine for all the chicks?"

         

 

 

 

 

 

Scoop of the Month  BURNING DOWN THE HOUSE What the Milwaukee Fire Department does for fun! plus a HOT recipe and A Warning For Couch Potatoes!
 

 

Zachary Torpy, age 4, keeps slacker Paul Schad moving along

 

BURNING DOWN THE HOUSE

The heat turns up every July when the Milwaukee Fire Department has its annual Camp Outing at Blackhawk Campgrounds in Milton. Not only do they consistently bring along temperatures in the 90s, but a select crew begins early in the week building a house. They do it for charity, but it’s a little different from Habitat For Humanity. You just have to be a Firefighter to understand. They started the building on Tuesday, and Saturday night, at dusk, they burned it down. Last year ‘builder’ Paul Schad put it in context: "We start it on fire, settle in on our lawn chairs, and watch it burn while we have a beer. It’s a fire we don’t have to put out, and a burning house we don’t have to go into."

The house-burning is a grand finale to a week of raffles and events that raise money for the Childrens’ Burn Camp, officially the Wisconsin Alliance For Fire Safety (for info and to help: Burn Camp). Bob Monfre, one of the Committee that serves a two year term making sure things go right, quietly added: "Please don’t get me wrong, and you don’t have to mention this, but the MFD knows there are a lot of people already donating from Milwaukee, so each year we request that our fund-raising money goes for kids from out of the area, kids that maybe don’t have a chance otherwise. We’ve raised an average of $3,500 each year at the Camp Outing, and it lets them be with other kids who have gone through the same thing. There, they don’t get stared at, and for a week, they are just normal kids. They camp, swim, and get to do all the things we do here at our own Camp Outing, which is have a lot of fun. Off-duty Firefighters volunteer to drive to wherever they have to in order to get these kids to the Burn Camp. And one of our Firefighters flies a Blackhawk helicopter, and he lands at the Camp and lets the kids get an inside look before taking off again. They love it."

The current Committee Members are Bob and his girlfriend Kelly Shannon, Steve & Michelle Martinson, Dan & Leslie Berendt, and Mark & Lisa Tepp. They managed to overcome every snag, and things went smoothly. Paul Schad AKA ‘Fire Dude’, building again this year, was asked about his ‘official’ title. "Just call me the moron who bakes out here in the hot sun building this thing," he said. "But Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither was this house. So give credit to Greg Blumenberg (‘rafter man & rough carpenter’), Pat Nogalski AKA ‘Noodles’ (‘moral support & laborer’), Mike Torpy (‘laborer’), and Pat Sierra (‘rough carpenter’). But I also want to mention that we got a bit behind because two of the aforementioned individuals, whom I won’t name ("I think Noodles was one."---Steve) had to go golfing one day."

This is a well-planned week. First in on Sunday afternoon comes the Committee Headquarters, a 40’ construction trailer that is the command post for the activities, games, contests, and raffles that keep over 350 people having fun for seven days. Coincidentally, the Miller Lite beer wagon is then parked right next to it. ("So we can keep an eye on it," said one Member. "Plus we need to take frequent samples to ensure proper temperature and taste.").

Next, a humongous tent is set up to serve as the main gathering place. NOTE: If you have problems assembling a two-man tent, picture the new Committee guys and ladies staring at directions for a 60’ x 40’ Circus Tent that rises nearly 30’ into the air. But by golly everything was up and running one hour later, thanks to the leadership of past Committee Carnies Milke Olinger and Chuck Stamschror.

Anyway, back to the house. Last year Paul put ‘Bob the Builder’ in the upper window of the house. He also filled Bob with firecrackers. "When the flames hit the upper story, ‘Bob’ basically blew apart. He had sparks shooting out his ears and his butt. I guess some little kids were crying about ‘Bob’ being treated like that, but life is hard, you know." And then Paul wept at the remembrance of those tykes who cried at seeing their little Bob the Builder being reduced to ashes.

OK, I lied. Paul didn’t cry. He grinned slyly. But the kids were spared another trauma anyway. At first, Paul thought about sending someone to Toys ‘R Us for ‘Dora the Explorer’, this year’s popular TV heroine, but the fact that Noodles went golfing instead of shopping prevented another cartoon figure from being burned at the stake. But the house-burning would still go well, and those in the know at the campground started arriving early for prime golf cart seating. Anticipation was high, and the wait was worth it. (PS: Credit must be given to the little guy in the full firefighter’s outfit who constantly sprayed down all nearby structures, including RVs and especially the Miller Lite beer wagon. There were other hosers who kept water at the ready for any stray sparks, and they did a great job. Not one thing other than the house was even singed).

It was a calm night, and the flames shot up high as speakers blared ‘Burning Down The House’ and ‘Disco Inferno’. It was as surreal as it gets, kids shooting water guns at distant flames, people staring in awe or just smiling, everything cast in an eerie orange light. When the Big House went down, reduced to a heap of embers, the hosers moved in to put out the last of the fire, and the crowd gave one long, last round of applause before heading out.

On Sunday the Committee took down the Big Top, cleaned and policed the area, put the last of the gear away, and hauled the big 40’ HQ construction trailer away, thanks to Joe Polka’s big Dodge. Joe managed to bend two trailer rims while goofing around at the storage area, which means the Committee will have another chore on their hands next year, but they sure are grateful anyway. They are also grateful to the Milton Police and the Rock County Sheriff’s Departments for their behind-the-scene coordination and guidance.

NOTE: This reporter was a bit concerned about writing this tale. Would I get someone in trouble? Mrs. Scoop says I worry too much, but what if the entire Milwaukee Fire Department went to jail for arson or something like that? So I called Sheriff Tom Kunkel for advice.

He laughed. "Scoop," he said, "it was a controlled environment protected by Firefighters! Go ahead and write it."

Thanks, Sheriff! Thanks MFD for a ‘hell’ of a night!

Phase One. The firewood is merely for each night’s ‘small’ bonfire.

Moments after ignition

 

Bye bye!

 

MRS. SCOOP’S SLOPPY JOE RECIPE

Speaking of hot stuff, sometimes the best camping recipes happen by accident. This did because we didn’t have any taco shells, so our Mexican meal almost became a mere ‘loose meat’ meal. But then Mrs. Scoop got inventive. Here goes, and make sure you have cool, refreshing beverages at the ready!

Ingredients:

‘Loose Meat’ (hamburger) cooked in skillet

2 tablespoons Sriracha Hot Chili Sauce (www.huyfong.com)

Sweet Baby Ray’s Hot ‘N Spicy BBQ sauce (add to taste)

Garlic (add to taste)

I’m sure you carry all these ingredients while you camp. Or maybe not. So send your favorite ‘inventive’ recipe to me at scoop@scoopjackson.net so I can post it on my Drink & Dine page.

COUCH POTATO WARNING!!!

I received a late-minute email just now, in which a person who has been mentioned here before told me I would be hearing about her, but please don’t mention her name on the Scoop site, as her friends Google her name all the time looking for fresh dirt. I made a bargain: I needed the story now, and if I got it within my deadline, her name would be withheld. She responded within ten minutes. She will now be known as ‘TC’.

Says TC: "I had a house (RV) full of people, so I decided I would sleep on the Hide-A-Bed sofa. Well, I don’t know if you’ve ever slept on one of them, but the bars that hold the mattress can be very uncomfortable. My back was hurting, it was around 3am, and I couldn’t get to sleep. So I decided to sleep across the first section of the bed horizontally.

"The end of the couch immediately sprung up and I got stuck at the head of the bed. I could not get out! Thank God my grandson was sitting out on my deck and happened to look in and see the end of the bed up. He pushed the bed down and helped me out."

And remember, TC: No eating in bed, or you'll wind up with a crumby night's sleep! Or, should I say, sleeping with crumbs...